pain and pleasure

you know, sometimes when you enjoy yourself while waisting time, does it mean that you waisted the time? just a rhetorical question. now, back on the subject.
so many times i neglected the signs and the obvious slaps on my head, the insults travelling through my ears, the empty stare, the everything, that i feel like throwing up on myself. hereby, i am changing my mental diet. the feeling that i'm single started floating in my soul and finally made an anchor deep down at the south-west corner of my heart.
it's not that bad. so what if i am not with somebody, so what if i am not with anybody, big fucking deal!
i had lied to myself for such a long time, it sickens me.
quoting"we were meant to be friends only, that's all.", makes me realise that i really waisted my time.
now, shut up and go read the LEED manual.